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Taken from THE [The Human Experience]

There is no one way to forgive...

There has been times a simple "sorry" will do. Other times we have things done unto us feel like no amount of work could ever fix it and be forgiven.
Why this comes to me right now, is due to the sudden passing of my father. Don't worry though, there is nothing that needs forgiveness between us.
It would be my step-sister actually. She wants some of his ashes.

This is not a AITA moment. This is my story to write.

Never legally diagnosed but she is a pathological liar and likely a sociopath. (Mother has a degree in psychology and came to this conclusion over the years.)
At some point in life, she chose to up n vanish. Something she had planned for a long time evidently.
And above all else, my imperfect dad who did everything he could to improve himself for his family? She spit on his name and broke his heart.

This doesn't sound like forgiveness-

Hang on. We are getting there.
I still get mad about her choices, as leaving is just the end of the list. It envokes a rather primitive rage in me to be around her for extended periods of time.
I'll admit, I have daydreamed of socking her once really good in the face.
But, at no point should/would I entertain said rage. My dad raised me better than that.
So yea, my forgiveness? I will treat her kinder than she ever did us.
I will never go around telling lies about her and her kin. Won't ever do anything of the sort.
Anything I say that sounds unsavory? She did, and I will only speak what I witnessed and what I know from reliable sources.
I'd do anything for the neices and nephews that she gave me even if she never grants us the privilege of seeing them.

However.

My dad made one thing clear after that heartbreak festered.
You wanted nothing to do with him? You got it.
He had cut out many people that had done him wrong before. But his own daughter? I could see how bad it hurt him sometimes. That's a whole new level of betrayal.
He told us that we weren't supposed to tell her, if he died.
He disowned her for all intent purposes.
But whenever she would choose to call and show up at for a brief period? She was never told no. And he loved his grandkids unconditionally
And it's a shame because at times it felt she'd use that want to be a grandpa against him.
Of course. That doesn't matter now. It's too late for that to change.
After breaking my dad's heart that many times? And her actions unto the family name? She deserves no part of him.
She can have the blood in her veins.
I won't deny her an attempt at a relationship anymore. I believe in deep change being warrented after something like this. Happened to me once.
And if she really did pull it together, and makes the time and effort? I may change my mind. Till then?
She deserves no part of him.